If you are visiting a wake and are unsure what is expected, this is a simple guide — what to wear, what to bring, and how to pay your respects with grace, whatever the family’s faith.
To pay respects at a wake in Singapore: wear subdued colours (white, black, or dark and plain), avoid red and bright colours, offer condolence money (白金 / pek kim) in a white envelope, sign the condolence book, and offer quiet words to the family. For Taoist and Buddhist wakes, you may offer joss sticks if invited.
Dress simply and respectfully:
The customary gesture is condolence money, known as pek kim (白金), given in a white envelope to help the family with costs. Write your name on the envelope so the family can note it. A wreath of flowers may also be sent. You are not obliged to bring anything but your presence, which matters most.
Wear subdued colours such as white, black, grey or dark and plain clothing. Avoid red, bright colours and bold patterns, which signal celebration. Dress modestly and simply.
Pek kim (白金) is condolence money given in a white envelope to help the family with funeral costs. Write your name on the envelope. The amount is a personal choice; give what you can, as the gesture matters more than the sum.
Sign the condolence book on arrival, approach the altar and offer joss sticks or a bow if invited, offer quiet words of sympathy to the family, and sit a while if welcomed. Keep your voice low and your phone silent.
At Taoist and Buddhist wakes you may be invited to offer joss sticks or make a bow before the altar. Follow the lead of the family or the funeral team, who will guide you kindly if you are unsure.
Avoid bright or red clothing, keep your voice low, silence your phone, and do not photograph the wake. When leaving a Chinese wake it is customary not to say a formal goodbye.
Speak to a funeral director now. No pressure, no obligation — just clear answers and immediate help with the arrangements.
